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paul_haakonsen
I am a big fan of Asian cinema in particular, and I am quite fond of especially South Korean and Hong Kong movies.
My favorite genre is, and always have been, horror, with a preference to anything with zombies in it.
I believe that every movie should be given the chance of being seen - a belief that has lead me to watch many a questionable movies.
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Evangeline (2013)
Meh...
When I stumbled upon the 2013 horror movie "Evangeline", from writer and director Karen Lam, here in 2024, of course I opted to watch it, as it was a horror movie that I had never seen, nor actually heard about. And given my life-long romance with the horror genre, of course I gave this movie a fair chance.
The storyline in "Evangeline" made very little coherent sense. It felt mostly like a sequence of random dream patterns conjured up by Karen Lam and then laid out and pieced together in order to attempt to make a movie. And the end result just wasn't a particularly compelling, interesting or entertaining result. Truth be told, it was quite a struggle to sit through the ordeal that is "Evangeline".
Sure, there was a lot of visually interesting scenes, but the movie was just lacking a proper script and red thread throughout the course of the 79 minutes that the movie ran for.
I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list in this movie, aside from actor Richard Harmon. And that is actually something that I do enjoy when I sit down to watch a movie, as the actors and actresses are not associated with previously portrayed characters from other movies.
"Evangeline" was a disappointing horror movie experience. And it is definitely not a movie that will ever grace my screen again. Nor is it a movie that I would recommend for horror fans to rush out and get to watch. It just simply wasn't worth the 79 minutes. When the movie draws to a prolonged end, you are left with a staggering sense of 'was that really it?'.
Actually, the movie's cover was the best part about the entire experience.
My rating of Karen Lam's 2013 movie lands on a three out of ten stars.
Wynonna Earp: Vengeance (2024)
You had me at Hell-oh...
I did enjoy the "Wynonna Earp" series, but I was unaware that they also spewed out movies. And thus, as I happened to stumble upon the 2024 movie "Wynonna Earp: Vengeance" by random chance here in 2024, I was taken aback by surprise, but needed no persuasion to sit down and watch the movie.
Writer Emily Andras put together a fair enough script, but I have to say that the script somehow failed to fully sink its hook in me and reel me in. Sure, the movie was watchable, but I was sitting with an overshadowing sense of 'pick up the pace and throw in something exciting' throughout the course of the 96 minutes that the movie ran for.
It definitely was nice to see Melanie Scrofano and Tim Rozon reprising their roles of Wynonna Earp and John Henry 'Doc' Holliday respectively. And they do carry the movie quite nicely. And I have to say that it was a treat to have the witty banter between Wynonna and Doc on the screen again. There is a great chemistry between Melanie Scrofano and Tim Rozon.
Sure, "Wynonna Earp: Vengeance" was watchable and enjoyable, especially if you enjoyed the series. But there was just something crucial missing from this 2024 movie.
My rating of director Paolo Barzman's 2024 movie lands on a five out of ten stars.
Curse of the Sin Eater (2024)
Slow paced and bland attempt at a horror movie...
When I sat down to watch the 2024 movie "Curse of the Sin Eater" from director Justin Denton, I had never actually heard about it. But the movie's cover proved interesting enough, and the fact that it was a horror movie that I hadn't already seen, and given my fascination with the horror genre, of course I needed no persuasion to sit down and watch the movie.
I literally had no idea what I was in for here, so writers Adam Davis and Will Corona Pilgrim essentially had every opportunity to impress and entertain me.
The narrative is a slow burn. You need to venture well over halfway through the movie before things start to happen. And truth be told, I have to admit that my interest in the story was waning at that point. So writers Adam Davis and Will Corona Pilgrim sort of dropped the ball and never got it back on track.
The cast ensemble in the movie were all actors and actresses that I wasn't familiar with. And that is actually something that spoke in favor of the movie, as I enjoy watching unfamiliar talents on the screen. And I will say, that despite a subpar script and storyline, then the acting performances in "Curse of the Sin Eater" were fair.
Visually then you're not in for a grand experience in horror cinema. There were some simplistic special effects throughout the course of the movie, but it was hardly sufficient to boost the movie up and out of the mediocre lane.
My rating of director Justin Denton's 2024 movie "Curse of the Sin Eater" lands on a three out of ten stars.
Feet of Death (2024)
Forgettable movie...
I had the opportunity to sit down and watch the 2024 horror movie "Feet of Death", and of course did so since I hadn't already seen the movie. I had never actually heard about it. But I have to say that the movie's title just wasn't great.
The storyline in the movie was bland and forgettable. I wasn't particularly entertained throughout the course of the 106 prolonged minutes that the movie ran for. Writers
Ashley Chick, James Chick and Ryan Stahl just failed to conjure up an overly interesting, much less actually entertaining, script and storyline for director James Chick to bring to the screen.
I wasn't familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie, but the acting performances were fair, though nothing outstanding really.
Visually then you're not in for anything grand. "Feet of Death" was a low-key special effects movie. Not that I think an abundance of great special effects would have mattered much, because the movie was lacking in the story department.
While I did manage to sit through the entire movie, I wasn't particularly entertained. And I can honestly say that I am not returning to watch "Feet of Death" a second time. Nor is it a movie that I would warmly recommend for horror genre fans to rush out and get to watch.
My rating of director James Chick's 2024 movie "Feet of Death" lands on a generous three out of ten stars.
Dark Angel (1990)
Archetypical 90s cheese...
When I stumbled upon the 1990 movie "Dark Angel" here in 2024, which was by pure random chance, I opted to sit down and watch it, since it was a movie that I hadn't already seen. And I figured that there might be a chance that the movie could prove watchable, as there are some of the older Dolph Lundgren movies that actually aren't all that bad.
Writers Jonathan Tydor and David Koepp put together a script and storyline that sort of fell short of properly entertaining me. Sure, it was a watchable movie, but it just lacked that particular ingredient to lift it up and out of the mediocre lane.
The movie is starring Dolph Lundgren and Brian Benben. In addition, it also has the likes of Matthias Hues, Sam Anderson, Sherman Howard and Michael J. Pollard on the cast list. The acting performances in "Dark Angel" were fair.
Visually then the movie was okay. It wasn't impressive special effects for a 1990 movie, but the effects were fair enough.
Watchable for what it was, I think "Dark Angel" is a movie that finds a wider appeal with diehard fans of Dolph Lundgren than it does with a general audience that watches the movie solely for entertainment purposes.
My rating of director Craig R. Baxley's 1990 movie "Dark Angel" lands on a five out of ten stars.
R.O.T.O.R. (1987)
Low budget late 1980s cheesy sci-fi...
I was familiar with the existence of this 1987 movie, but I actually never did get around to watching it. Why? Well, the movie was just oozing with a low budget feel, and thus I never was in any particular rush to get to sit down and watch it. But the time came around in 2024, as I had the opportunity to watch it, and thus I did. But I have to say that I harbored zero expectations to the movie, so in a sense writers Cullen Blaine and Budd Lewis had every opportunity to entertain and bedazzle me.
The storyline in "R. O. T. O. R.", which is short for Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research, wasn't particularly great. It was a rather mundane and generic storyline. But I am sure that there is an audience out there for a movie such as this. I just happened not to be a part of that particular target audience.
I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list in this 1987 movie. And that in itself is somewhat of a warning sign, I suppose. The acting performances were not all that bad, in all fairness.
Visually then "R. O. T. O. R." was pretty terrible. Especially the police robot Willard that milled about in the police station, it put even the robot in the 1965 TV sci-fi series "Lost in Space" to shame. I loved the police hat on top of the dome and the fact that the robot was carrying a sidearm.
My rating of director Cullen Blaine's 1987 movie "R. O. T. O. R." lands on a three out of ten stars. This is definitely not a movie that will find its way back on my screen a second time.
Fire Twister (2015)
Torchnado...
Right, well I had never heard bout this 2015 movie titled "Fire Twister", and truth be told, as I sat down to watch it here in 2024, I didn't harbor a single expectation. Why? Well, the title alone was just scream low budget garbage. But still, with it being a movie that I hadn't already seen, of course I opted to give writer Larry Bain and director George Erschbamer the benefit of the doubt.
The storyline was laughable, but you know that from the title alone. So you're not in for an evening of Shakespearian cinema here. Not that I was expecting that. Duh. There are just so many things wrong and implausible about the storyline, but the first thing that comes to mind is how would the fire tornado sustain its roaring flames as it swept across the land? And the fact that a tornado forms in weather conditions with clear skies and no winds moving (just look at the trees) it just downright phenomenal. Great writing right there.
So an exploding building caused a tornado of pure fire to take shape and come into existence? Right. How very believable.
The effects in "Fire Twister" were fairly dubious.
"Fire Twister" was, not surprisingly, a rather terrible movie. But truth be told, isn't there something oddly appealing about these terrible natural disaster movies that are found in an abundance out there?
My rating of director George Erschbamer's 2015 movie lands on a three out of ten stars.
After Death (Oltre la morte) (1989)
Cheesy late 1980s zombie flick...
Now, I was familiar with the 1989 movie "Zombie 4: After Death", but I didn't know that its original title was "Oltre La Morte". I have watched it once before, but have to admit that the movie had entirely vanished from my memory, except for the title. And thus, I opted to revisit the movie here in 2024, as I had the opportunity to do so.
Having just sat through 84 minutes of what writer Rossella Drudi and director Claudio Fragasso delivered in 1989, no wonder that the movie had vanished from my memory. This was by no means a particularly outstanding, enjoyable or memorable zombie movie. It was a cheese-fest of late 1980s caliber, no doubt about that. But I am sure that the movie was meant to be a serious zombie movie, but I have to say that director Claudio Fragasso failed to make the movie appear so.
Of course I was not familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list. I will say that the acting performances were fair enough, taking into consideration the type of movie that this was, and the contents that the performers had to work with.
Visually then you're not in for anything grand. And truth be told, for a zombie movie made in 1989, the effects in the movie were pretty lousy. Sure, I've seen worse zombie make-up and prosthetics in other zombie movies, but I was by no means impressed with the effects in this movie. The movie looked, sounded and felt like it was something out of the late 1970s or early 1980s.
I did enjoy the explosion from the hand grenade, which levels a whole bungalow. That was an impressive amount of explosives for a grenade.
If you are a diehard zombie aficionado like I am, then "Zombie 4: After Death" could be worth sitting down and checking out, as it is a zombie movie after all. Just happened to be a rather bland and forgettable zombie movie, however.
My rating of "Zombie 4: After Death" lands on a three out of ten stars.
The Shadow (1994)
Still an enjoyable movie...
I have watched "The Shadow" once before, back in the time when it was recently released, and I do actually believe that it was on VHS tape, if I remember correctly. However, I had forgotten about the storyline in the movie, and thus opted to revisit "The Shadow" as I had the opportunity to do so here in 2024, and this time on a digital format.
Writers Walter B. Gibson and David Koepp put together an enjoyable script and storyline. Sure, I've never read the comics, so I don't know how true the writers stayed to the source material. Regardless, I found the narrative to be entertaining, and that is the sole purpose of a movie, now isn't it?
The cast ensemble in the movie is great. Normally I am not overly much a fan of Alec Baldwin, but every now and again he popped up in a great movie, and "The Shadow" was one such movie, and he carried the movie quite well. In addition, the movie have the likes of John Lone, Penelope Ann Miller, Peter Boyle, Ian McKellen, Tim Curry, James Hong,
Joseph Maher and others on the cast list, so there was quite a bunch of familiar faces on the screen.
Visually, then I will say that the movie actually still holds up today. Sure, some of the effects were showing signs of aging, but not to the extend where it had become antiquated. And proper effects in a movie such as "The Shadow" definitely helps sweetening the deal.
If you haven't watched "The Shadow" already, and if you enjoy the likes of "Batman", then "The Shadow" is actually worth sitting down to watch.
My rating of director Russell Mulcahy's 1994 movie lands on a six out of ten stars.
Death Spa (1988)
A spa of absolute boredom...
I had never heard about this 1988 horror movie titled "Death Spa" prior to sitting down here in 2024 to watch it. I had the opportunity to watch it, and given my fascination with all things horror, of course I did so without hesitation. However, I virtually had no idea what I was in for.
The storyline in the movie, as written by James Bartruff and Mitch Paradise, was utter rubbish. It felt like the two writers were working independently of one another and not knowing what the other was working on. There was no particularly deeper red thread throughout the course of the movie, and it felt like a random scramble of incoherent footage. And I have to say that I found very, very little entertainment in the movie, and it was quite a struggle to sit through this ordeal.
Of the entire cast ensemble in the movie, I was only familiar with Ken Foree and Chelsea Field. And not even Ken Foree was able to salvage this train wreck of a movie. The acting performances in the movie were actually not too bad, but the actors and actresses virtually had nothing to work with in terms of script, character gallery and dialogue.
The movie has a couple of special effects throughout the course of its runtime, but it was hardly anything noteworthy, much less anything that spruced up the movie much.
If you enjoy horror movies, do yourself a favor and don't waste 88 minutes on this dumpster fire of a movie. It just simply isn't worth the effort.
My rating of director Michael Fischa's 1988 movie "Death Spa" lands on a generous two out of ten stars.
Willard (2003)
Watchable, sure...
I was well aware that this movie existed, however I just never did get around to watching it before now in 2024.
So was it worth the wait? Hardly so. Sure, "Willard" was a watchable movie, but it just wasn't a particularly outstanding or overly impressive storyline. I found it to be a sort of movie with a narrative that would support a single viewing, and I doubt that I will ever return to watch it again. So writers Glen Morgan, Gilbert Ralston and Stephen Gilbert just didn't manage to churn out something that impressed me.
The movie does have a good cast ensemble, and much can be said about leading actor Crispin Glover, but he does carry the role quite well here. The movie also have the likes of R. Lee Ermey, Laura Harring and Jackie Burroughs on the cast list, so there are a couple of familiar faces. I will say that the acting performances in the movie were good.
The effects in the movie were good and still hold up today, some 21 years down the lane.
Watchable for what it was, I think a movie such as director Glen Morgan's 2003 "Willard" is a niche movie, and one that caters mostly to fans of Crispin Glover.
My rating of "Willard" lands on a five out of ten stars.
Firepower (1993)
Watchable, but somewhat dull...
I had never heard about the 1993 movie titled "Firepower" from writer Michael January and director Richard Pepin prior to stumbling upon it here in 2024. But having been a teenager in the 1990s, of course I enjoyed the wave of martial arts action movies back in the day, and needed no persuasion to sit down and watch this movie.
Right, well I have to say that writer Michael January came up with a thin, so very, very thin storyline and plot here. I mean, two police officers in the near future having to go undercover in an underground martial arts death match ring in order to find a cure for AIDS. Wow, seriously? Talk about being a thinly stretched narrative here.
Of the entire cast ensemble in the movie, I was only familiar with Chad McQueen, Gary Daniels and Jim Hellwig - aka The Ultimate Warrior. The latter was in the movie solely for his size and to fight, because there was no acting talent being displayed.
"Firepower" was carried only by the abundance of fighting sequences. But there was no contents in the movie to support a second viewing. And truth be told, there are far better 90s martial arts movies readily available.
My rating of director Richard Pepin's 1993 movie "Firepower" lands on a four out of ten stars.
The Jack in the Box Rises (2024)
Time to put the franchise to rest...
Sure, I have indeed watched the 2019 movie "The Jack in the Box" and the 2022 sequel "The Jack in the Box: Awakening", but weren't overly impressed with neither. So I wasn't exactly harboring the biggest of expectations to the 2024 movie "The Jack in the Box Rises". But since it was a horror movie that I hadn't already seen, of course I opted to do so as I had the chance.
The storyline in the movie was pretty straight forward, albeit a bit bland and generic actually. Writers Geoff Fowler and Lawrence Fowler didn't really improve on the previous movies, nor added much of anything new to the formula. It felt like they were playing it safe and using all previously used tropes for the sake of familiarity, and that made for a mundane viewing experience.
I was not familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie. But I will say that, despite the fact that the script was rubbish, then the acting performances were fair enough. Nothing outstanding, mind you, but fair enough.
The creature in the movie is nicely made, just as it was in the previous two movies. But it hardly mattered as the script was rubbish. Visually then the movie was okay, but I am not a fan of scenes where people get murdered, but you don't get to see it happening, and the director leaves it up to the imagination of the audience. That is just improper storytelling, especially for a horror movie.
Well, the "Jack in the Box" movies haven't exactly been stellar horror movies, but I have to say that this 2024 addition to the franchise is definitely the weakest in the franchise so far.
My rating of director Lawrence Fowler's 2024 horror movie "The Jack in the Box Rises" lands on a three out of ten stars.
Woods Witch (2023)
Nope...
Right, well had I known that the 2023 movie "Woods Witch" was a found-footage movie, I wouldn't even have given it a second glance. I absolutely loathe the found-footage genre. When I sit down to watch a movie, I don't want to watch something that I could have filmed myself with my digital video camera.
The storyline in the movie was bland and generic, and it utterly failed to capture my interest. First of all, it was a found-footage movie, and secondly it was about social media influencers. Yup, I don't like those losers either. So the movie stood a snowball's chance in Hell of gaining favor with me. Writers Shawn C. Phillips and Julie Anne Prescott just dropped the ball extraordinarily well here.
Truth be told, I gave up on this dumpster fire of a movie after 30 minutes of excruciating torment. And I have zero intentions of ever returning to attempt finish watching this dung heap of a movie.
"Woods Witch" was labeled as a horror comedy, but it failed to deliver in both genres.
Of the cast ensemble that I managed to see in the 30 minutes of torment I sat through, I was only familiar with Ken Davitian, Tom Sizemore and James Duval. And I can't fathom how the likes of James Duval and Tom Sizemore would stoop to a movie of this type. But, hey, a pay cheque is a pay cheque I suppose.
This movie is definitely not something I would recommend for you to waste your time, money or effort on.
My rating of directors Lauren Francesca and Shawn C. Phillips 2023 movie lands on a one out of ten stars.
America Is Sinking (2023)
Another unrealistic natural disaster movie where man beats nature...
Initially I was intrigued by the movie's cover, and I had never actually heard about the movie prior to sitting down and watching it. I started the movie, and those two dreaded words popped up on the screen; The Asylum. Great, another attempt at a natural disaster from The Asylum, enough said actually.
The storyline in "America Is Sinking" is pretty generic, even for a natural disaster movie from The Asylum. Writers Jeremiah Crothers and Steve Doucette apparently opted to play it insanely safe and bet on every trope seen in previous natural disaster movies. And that ultimately made this movie bland, predictable and sort of forgettable. I can't claim that I was particularly entertained throughout the course of the 83 minutes that the movie ran for. The storyline was predictable and every bit as unrealistic as you would assume. And you know the outcome of the movie from the very beginning, yeah it was that kind of movie.
The cast ensemble in the movie was actually fair. I was only familiar with Michael Paré, Paul Logan and Lindsey Marie Wilson. I wonder if actors Michael Paré and Paul Logan are enslaved to The Asylum, as they tend to pop up in almost everything that The Asylum spews out.
The special effects in the movie were as you would expect from a natural disaster movie churned out by The Asylum. Questionable and dubious special effects. I especially loved how the helicopter changed colors in between scenes, when you see it on the roof it is green, but as the scene shifts and the helicopter it is in the air, it suddenly became a desert camouflaged color. And the scene in the beginning of the movie where the actor and actress were in front of a blue screen, and it was supposed to be filmed in the arctic; it just looked abysmal.
Of course the movie's cover far outshined the actual contents of the movie. But then again, that is usually the case with these natural disaster movies.
My rating of director Mario N. Bonassin's 2023 movie "America Is Sinking" lands on a generous two out of ten stars.
Gueules noires (2023)
Watchable...
I had the chance to sit down and watch the 2023 French horror movie "Gueules Noires" (aka "The Deep Dark") here in 2024, and given my lifelong love romance with the horror genre, of course I needed no persuasion to do so. Sure, I had never heard about the movie, but that hardly mattered as it was a horror movie that I had not yet watched.
The storyline is pretty straightforward, though you need to sit through about an hour of writer and director Mathieu Turi trying to establish the characters, story and atmosphere. And truth be told, that was just way too long of nothing overly interesting happening, and the movie suffered terribly from that. And with a run time of 103 minutes, squandering 60 minutes just wasn't a smart thing to do.
Needless to say that given my very limited exposure to French cinema, then I wasn't familiar with the actors on the cast list. Though I will say that the acting performances in the movie were fair.
"Gueules Noires" might be worth checking out if you enjoy horror movies that include a subterranean setting, strange alien-like creature design, gore, and a good old fashioned creature feature.
The creature in the movie was definitely interesting. I liked the design, and it is always great to see practical effects on the screen in horror movies, as there is something aesthetically pleasing to watching practical effects over CGI effects.
Just a real shame that writer and director Mathieu Turi squandered a full hour on something that could have been done in a fraction of that time, because it was seriously wasting screen time. And the overall movie suffered from that part. If it had been done in a different way, a quicker way without wasting an hour, the movie would have been way more enjoyable to sit through.
Sure, I found "Gueules Noires" to be a watchable movie, though it is hardly a movie that I will return to watch a second time, as it just didn't have enough contents in the storyline to support a second viewing, and the fact that you have to sit through 60 minutes of virtually nothing but people milling about underground just didn't really count as enthralling entertainment to me.
The ending of the movie, however, left much to be desired. It was a laughable ending to say the least, not to mention a slap to the face of those audience members who stuck through 103 minutes of watching the movie.
My rating of "Gueules Noires" lands on a five out of ten stars.
Bikini Valley Car Wash (2020)
Just terrible...
Of course I had never heard about this 2020 comedy prior to sitting down here in 2024 to watch it.
Truth be told, I wasn't really harboring much of any grand expectations to the movie, but still opted to give writer and director Jordan F. Ghanma the benefit of the doubt.
The storyline in the movie, as written by Jordan F. Ghanma, failed to entertain me. And it was quite a struggle to sit through the ordeal that is "Bikini Valley Car Wash".
Right, well the movie was labeled as a comedy, and thus I opted to sit down and watch it. But the problem with "Bikini Valley Car Wash" was that there wasn't an ounce of comedy anywhere in sight. I wasn't brought to laughter once throughout the course of the movie.
I was not familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie, and I can't claim that I was impressed with the performances that the actors and actresses put on.
Some of the audio during the outdoors dialogue was suffering from echoing, and that was just felt like an amateurish thing for a movie. But then again, in all honesty, "Bikini Valley Car Wash" was an amateurish movie, so there was that.
My rating of director Jordan F. Ghanma's 2020 movie "Bikini Valley Car Wash" lands on a very generous one out of ten stars.
Under Wraps (1997)
Fun family movie...
I've seen the 2021 movie "Under Wraps", which apparently was a remake of this 1997 movie, though I didn't know that, as I haven't watched the 1997 version before now in 2024.
Writer Don Rhymer put together an enjoyable script which actually proves wholesome for the entire family. So there is something for everyone to enjoy here, and that made the movie rather enjoyable. I was genuinely entertained throughout the course of the 95 minutes that the movie ran for.
The movie has a good cast, and there are some familiar faces on the cast list, with the likes of Corinne Bohrer, Ken Hudson Campbell, Ed Lauter and Bill Fagerbakke. The young leading cast, which was Adam Wylie, Mario Yedidia and Clara Bryant definitely carried the movie quite well.
Visually then the movie was actually fair. Keep in mind that it is a family movie, so you're not in for a spectacle of ghastly effects. But the mummy was actually quite nicely made.
"Under Wraps" is well-worth sitting down to watch, and it still holds up today. And it could very easy be a movie that the family could sit down and enjoy for Halloween.
My rating of director Greg Beeman's 1997 movie "Under Wraps" lands on a six out of ten stars.
Evil Come Evil Go (1972)
How about no...?
I was lead to believe that the 1972 movie "Evil Come, Evil Go" was a horror movie of sorts, and thus I opted to sit down and watch it, as I had the opportunity to do so here in 2024. I had actually never heard about the movie, so I virtually had no idea what I was in for.
Now, writers Walt Davis and Bob Chinn had actually managed to put together a storyline and script, but you have to look long and hard in between all the pointless lewd sex scenes for the narrative. And it just got repetitive and boring really, really fast.
Needless to say that I was not familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, though going as far as to calling them actors and actresses would be stretching the term a bit. I was most definitely not impressed with what I witnessed on the screen.
Sure, I can grasp that the movie was made in the early 1970s, but come on, the director was essentially just shooting a softcore porn movie here. There was way, way too much focus on sex scenes; scenes that carried on for way too long and served the narrative no purpose except for something off lewd scenes. It was tacky and pointless, and it was actually that aspect of the movie which killed the movie for me and made me turn off the movie, as I was bored to tears.
I am sure that there is an audience out there for a movie such as this. Perhaps an audience that were randy young adults back in 1972. But I was born in 1975, and sat down to watch the movie in 2024 with the intention of being entertained by a movie that I had never seen, much less heard about, and I was in for a rude awakening.
"Evil Come, Evil Go" was a swing and a miss of a movie in terms of entertaining me. And this is definitely not a movie that I would recommend you to sit down and waste 73 minutes on watching, if you get the DVD version of the movie, whereas the other release runs at 66 minutes. This was nothing more than sleazy 1970s pornographic trash.
My rating of director Walt Davis' 1972 movie "Evil Come, Evil Go" lands on a one out of ten stars.
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)
It had potential...
Stumbling upon the 2022 horror movie "Bodies Bodies Bodies", from director Halina Reijn, by random chance here in 2024. Of course I opted to sit down and watch it since it was a horror movie that I hadn't already seen, much less actually heard about.
Writers Sarah DeLappe and Kristen Roupenian put together a script and storyline that definitely wasn't just your average run-of-the-mill teenage horror slasher movie. I found the movie, however, to be more of a who-done-it-murder-mystery-thriller than an actual horror movie, because there wasn't the typical ingredients to the narrative for a standard horror movie.
Of the entire cast ensemble, I was only familiar with Amandla Stenberg, Pete Davidson and Lee Pace. The acting performances in the movie were fair. The movie had a rather small cast ensemble though, which meant that there was a bit more riding on the shoulders of the actors and actresses to deliver performances to carry the movie.
The music in the movie was insanely annoying, and I definitely didn't enjoy that one bit.
Watchable, sure, but "Bodies Bodies Bodies" was hardly a noteworthy movie, nor is it a movie that I will ever return to watch a second time.
My rating of director Halina Reijn's 2022 movie lands on a four out of ten stars.
Earth Virus of the Dead (2022)
No. Just no...
Stumbling upon the 2022 movie "Earth Virus of the Dead" by random chance here in 2024, and seeing it was a zombie movie that I had never heard about, of course I opted to watch it. I am a huge fan of the zombie genre after all, despite the fact that the vast majority of contents released within it is low budget rubbish. And truth be told, given this movie's laughable title, I wasn't harboring any high hopes for this being a great movie.
Isn't it usually the case that when you see a movie that is written by, directed by and starring one and the same person, you just know that you are in for a garbage heap of a movie? It certainly held true for "Earth Virus of the Dead".
The storyline in the movie was textbook archetypical doomsday zombie outbreak, for better or worse. It was pretty straightforward, and while semi-watchable, it just wasn't a memorable or outstanding zombie movie experience. And it definitely is not going to make a lasting impression on me. And the part about North Koreans apparently invading the United States of America was just hilarious.
The acting performances in the movie were wooden, and especially young actor Chance Molina was devoid of any acting talent at all, delivering some of the most cringeworthy and forced dialogue I have witnessed in a long, long time. Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, and I can't claim that I was impressed with what I witnessed on the screen.
The movie is a string of toe-curling and cringeworthy dialogue delivered by emotionless performances and without any believable conviction. Not to mention that the writing of the dialogue left much to be desired. And the way that actor Geovanni Molina was half-whispering all of his dialogue just grew very tiring very fast.
The CGI effects in the movie were pretty bad, especially the scene with the launch of fighters from a hangar ship. It looked like something from a 1990s computer game.
The editing was pretty slobby, with some rather abrupt cuts throughout the movie in between different scenes.
The zombie make-up and effects were actually fair, probably the best thing in the movie. Now, hold on, because I am not saying it was great special effects. But for a movie of this caliber, then the effects were fair. I've seen far worse zombie effects in similar low budget zombie movies. So that counted for something, not much, but something.
This movie was definitely not worth the 73 minutes that it ran for. And if you enjoy zombie movies, do yourself a favor and give this movie a wide berth. Some of us suffered through this dumpster fire of a movie so you don't have to; you're very welcome.
"Earth Virus of the Dead" looked and felt like it was the home video project of the Molina family. Points for attempting to make a zombie movie, of course, but this movie was pretty lousy.
My rating of "Earth Virus of the Dead" lands on a very generous two out of ten stars, and that is mostly because of the zombie make-up.
Don't Turn Out the Lights (2023)
Watchable, but nothing outstanding...
I had actually never heard about this 2023 horror movie titled "Don't Turn Out the Lights" from writer and director Andy Fickman prior to sitting down here in 2024 to watch it. But given my life-long romance with the horror genre, of course I needed no persuasion to sit down and give the movie a fair chance.
The movie was off to a rocky start. I have to say that the way that writer and director Andy Fickman opted to introduce the characters didn't sit well with me, and I took a disliking to most of the character right away. It was just a major moment of annoyance to me the way that the characters were brought into the picture. But luckily the movie does pick up in contents and entertainment value along the way. And I got over the annoyance that had initially been placed with the characters.
"Don't Turn Out the Lights" starts out as being your average run-of-the-mill young people on a roadtrip that goes awry in the remote countryside. But writer and director Andy Fickman manages to change this along the way with a sudden shift in gears and change in contents. But still, while the movie certainly was watchable, it just wasn't a particularly outstanding horror experience.
Of the entire cast ensemble, I was only familiar with actor John Bucy. I will say that they had gotten a good and talented cast ensemble together for the movie, and the acting performances were definitely quite alright.
Visually then you're not in for any grand treats, as most of the effects are left to the imagination. A cheap way of constructing a horror tale in my opinion.
The movie was watchable, sure, but it is hardly a movie that I would recommend for horror fans to rush out and get to watch.
My rating of writer and director Andy Fickman's 2023 horror movie "Don't Turn Out the Lights" lands on a four out of ten stars.
Bigfoot: The Monster Within (2022)
Stay well clear of this one...
Needless to say that I had never heard about this 2022 movie titled "Bigfoot: The Monster Within" prior to sitting down to watch it.
But from the very first shot of the movie, you just know that you are in for a dung heap of a movie. This was phenomenally bad. In fact, it ranks among the top three of bad movies I have suffered through over the many, many years of watching movies.
And with "Bigfoot: The Monster Within" being a movie that was written, directed and starring the one and same guy, I have to say that I wasn't expecting much. And Geovanni Molina delivered nothing but rubbish on all accounts.
The storyline in the movie was simplistic, and it felt like a farce and a joke more than it felt like a proper serious movie. And the dialogue was as elegant as an enraged bull in a porcelain store.
The acting performances in the movie were wooden, rigid and laughable. Of course I was not familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, though it was somewhat of a stretch calling them actors and actresses.
Visually, then you're in for a treat here. The effects in the movie were so bad that it was almost worth suffering through 56 minutes of this dumpster fire. The green screen scenes were terrible to look at, as they were so fake that even a recently deceased blind man would go "wow, seriously?".
My rating of writer and director Geovanni Molina's 2022 movie "Bigfoot: The Monster Within" lands on a one out of ten stars. How this movie has managed to land a 3.6 rating on IMDb, in this very moment of me reviewing it, is simply beyond my comprehension.
The Jack in the Box: Awakening (2022)
Slow paced and sluggish sequel...
Granted, I was not overly impressed with the 2019 horror movie "The Jack in the Box" from writer and director Lawrence Fowler, and I didn't even know that they had made sequels to that movie. But as I happened to stumble upon the 2022 "The Jack in the Box: Awakening", I opted to watch it on account of it being a horror movie that I hadn't already seen. However, I have to admit that I harbored no expectations to writer and director Lawrence Fowler returning to put the sequel on the screen.
The storyline in "The Jack in the Box: Awakening" was rather slow paced and sluggish. And without much of anything interesting, scary or entertaining happening, then sitting through this 2022 sequel was somewhat of an ordeal. And I was good and ready to get up and turn it off prematurely a couple of times throughout the course of the 93 minutes that the movie ran for.
I've seen enough low budget horror movies to actually be familiar with actress Nicola Wright. However, she was actually also the only one on the cast list that I was familiar with. The acting performances in the movie were fair enough, but the actors and actresses virtually had nothing worthwhile to work with.
Sure, the creature in the movie is interesting in design, but the creature design can only do so much for an inadequate storyline, you know.
The kill scenes in the movie were very disappointing as you are just given hints as to how people die, and you don't actually get to see it. Disappointing to say the least.
My rating of writer and director Lawrence Fowler's 2022 sequel "The Jack in the Box: Awakening" lands on a generous three out of ten stars. And while I also have the 2024 third movie in the franchise lined up to watch, I am not really thrilled about it.
The Crow (2024)
But it was Machine Gun Kelly as The Crow...
When I saw the trailer I was virtually in disbelief. I couldn't fathom why someone wanted to meddle with the 1994 classic "The Crow" movie, but yet here was director Rupert Sanders daring to touch a movie that is iconic and beloved by many. And the trailer didn't really set up the movie for looking great, and I really had a hard time taking the new appearance of Eric seriously.
And believe me, I was not in any particular rush to get to watch this movie, as I had an overshadowing sense that this movie was going to blow terribly. But I had the opportunity to get to sit down and watch it, and thus did so somewhat reluctantly. But I tried to venture into the movie with an open mind and grant writers Zach Baylin and William Josef Schneider the opportunity of the doubt.
The first third of the movie was spent trying to establish the Eric and Shelly characters, and the middle third of the movie was spent for Eric to stumble about trying to cope with his new state of a returned being and finding his powers, and the last third of the movie is essentially just Machine Gun Kelly going on a rampage to kill all those associated with the guy who murdered Shelly and himself.
Of the entire cast ensemble in the movie, I was only familiar with actors Bill Skarsgård and Danny Huston. I literally have no clue who FKA Twigs is, but I assume she is some kind of singer or musician given the strange name she carries, not that I've bothered to find out, as I wasn't particularly impressed ith her performance in the movie. In general, the acting performances were fair, despite the fact that the movie's script was generic and felt redundant.
The Eric character in this 2024 remake looks ridiculous. Nothing against Bill Skarsgård, as he is a good actor, but the character looks like something you would get from Wish if you order a modern rapper. Those tattoos just make Eric look like a joke, and it was so difficult to take him serious, especially when held up against the Eric Draven character portrayed by Brandon Lee back in 1994.
The music in this 2024 was not noteworthy. Again, held up against the 1994 original movie, where the soundtrack was phenomenal, the 2024 movie just didn't even reach it to the ankles. The bland and very forgettable music that was crammed into the movie just didn't come off as being memorable or outstanding. There was one tune in the movie that stood out, and that was "Boadicea" from Enya, but that song is already synonymous with the 1992 movie "Sleepwalkers", so it was poorly chosen for this movie; but for a new audience unfamiliar with "Sleepwalkers", I suppose this was a good choice of music.
Visually then the movie was actually not bad. Here were some good visual effects in the movie and some visually brutal scenes, but it was hardly sufficient to make up for all the shortcomings that compiled "The Crow" as a movie.
Writers Zach Baylin and William Josef Schneider botched this opportunity. They should not have remade the original movie, and turned it into the atrocity that it is, but instead they should have given Eric and Shelly different names and given the movie a different title and had it be a new addition to "The Crow" franchise. It was just a bitter pill to swallow that they opted to tinker with the original movie and try to reinvent it to today's audience.
I am left with my original sense of 'this was an unnecessary remake that no one wanted'. So my initially expectations to the movie were true.
You might as well just skip right to the third and final act of the movie, should you opt to sit down and waste 111 minutes on the farce that is "The Crow" anno 2024.
My rating of the 2024 version of "The Crow" lands on a very generous four out of ten stars.