What are some common mistakes to avoid when dealing with a challenging client or stakeholder?

Dealing with a challenging client or stakeholder can be stressful and frustrating, especially if you have conflicting goals, expectations, or personalities. However, as a leader, you need to manage these relationships effectively and avoid making common mistakes that can damage your reputation, trust, and results. In this article, we will explore some of these mistakes and how to prevent or overcome them.

1 Not listening actively

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when dealing with a challenging client or stakeholder is not listening actively to their concerns, needs, and feedback. Active listening means paying attention, asking questions, paraphrasing, and showing empathy. It also means avoiding distractions, interruptions, and assumptions. By listening actively, you can demonstrate respect, build rapport, and understand their perspective better. You can also identify the root cause of the problem, clarify expectations, and find common ground.

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Xinjin Zhao

Author, Speaker, Photographer, Marathon Runner, Startup Advisor
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One of the advices I received was to mentally decided, BEFORE the meeting, what percentage of the time you will spend in listening vs. speaking. When you are dealing with a challenging situation, do not focus too much on who is right vs who is wrong. Instead, try to understand the different perspectives and different needs so that you can strive to come up solutions which benefit both parties.

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Victor Prince

#1 Executive Coach in US Financial Services industry-Google it! | Author, HarperCollins | LinkedIn Top Leadership Voice-47,000 newsletter subscribers | Wharton MBA, Bain & Co, CapitalOne alum | exCOO of US CFPB | 🏈 Exec
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Approach the conversation with clear goals in mind to understand 4 things: 1) Their needs, 2) Where their needs are/are not being met, 3) The impact that has on them, 4) Their ideas for improvement. Listen actively to catch these four things as they talk. Where they do not come out, ask follow up questions. When they are done, summarize what they said back to them in this format to make sure you understood correctly, and to show them that you were listening.

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2 Being defensive or aggressive

Another common mistake you can make when dealing with a challenging client or stakeholder is being defensive or aggressive in your communication. Being defensive means reacting negatively, blaming others, or making excuses. Being aggressive means being rude, hostile, or dominating. Both of these behaviors can escalate the conflict, damage the relationship, and undermine your credibility. Instead of being defensive or aggressive, you should aim to be assertive. Being assertive means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a respectful, honest, and confident way. It also means listening to the other party, acknowledging their point of view, and seeking a win-win solution.

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Victor Prince

#1 Executive Coach in US Financial Services industry-Google it! | Author, HarperCollins | LinkedIn Top Leadership Voice-47,000 newsletter subscribers | Wharton MBA, Bain & Co, CapitalOne alum | exCOO of US CFPB | 🏈 Exec
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Pay attention to the energy and body language in the conversation - yours and theirs. If you find yourself crunched up in a defensive or aggressive posture, take a beat and relax and slow down. If you sense them speeding or heating up, slow and cool things down.

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3 Avoiding the issue

A third common mistake you can make when dealing with a challenging client or stakeholder is avoiding the issue or postponing the conversation. Avoiding the issue can be tempting, especially if you are afraid of confrontation, rejection, or negative feedback. However, avoiding the issue can make the situation worse, as it can lead to misunderstanding, resentment, or missed opportunities. Instead of avoiding the issue, you should address it as soon as possible, preferably in person or over the phone. By addressing the issue promptly, you can prevent it from escalating, show your professionalism, and resolve it effectively.

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Victor Prince

#1 Executive Coach in US Financial Services industry-Google it! | Author, HarperCollins | LinkedIn Top Leadership Voice-47,000 newsletter subscribers | Wharton MBA, Bain & Co, CapitalOne alum | exCOO of US CFPB | 🏈 Exec
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Even if you cannot have a full conversation right away, acknowledging the issue and validating their problem with it can be helpful. Sometimes it can take a while to find a common open slot in a calendar to have the conversation. At least by acknowledging it, you can keep it from festering in the mean time.

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4 Not following up

A fourth common mistake you can make when dealing with a challenging client or stakeholder is not following up after the conversation. Not following up can create confusion, uncertainty, or distrust, as it can imply that you are not committed, reliable, or accountable. It can also result in missed deadlines, unmet expectations, or unresolved issues. Instead of not following up, you should follow up regularly, preferably in writing. By following up, you can confirm the agreement, clarify the action steps, monitor the progress, and provide feedback. You can also maintain the communication, build the trust, and improve the outcome.

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Victor Prince

#1 Executive Coach in US Financial Services industry-Google it! | Author, HarperCollins | LinkedIn Top Leadership Voice-47,000 newsletter subscribers | Wharton MBA, Bain & Co, CapitalOne alum | exCOO of US CFPB | 🏈 Exec
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One simple way to create accountability for following up is to schedule a follow up meeting. Meetings can create natural deadlines to do things.

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5 Not learning from the experience

A fifth common mistake you can make when dealing with a challenging client or stakeholder is not learning from the experience. Not learning from the experience can limit your growth, development, and improvement as a leader. It can also prevent you from preventing or handling similar situations in the future. Instead of not learning from the experience, you should reflect on the experience, preferably with a mentor, coach, or peer. By reflecting on the experience, you can identify what went well, what went wrong, and what you can do differently next time. You can also appreciate the lessons learned, the skills gained, and the feedback received.

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6 Not seeking feedback

A sixth common mistake you can make when dealing with a challenging client or stakeholder is not seeking feedback on your performance, behavior, or impact. Not seeking feedback can limit your awareness, insight, and understanding of yourself and others. It can also prevent you from improving your strengths, addressing your weaknesses, and meeting your goals. Instead of not seeking feedback, you should seek feedback regularly, preferably from multiple sources. By seeking feedback, you can gain valuable information, perspectives, and suggestions on how to improve your leadership skills, communication skills, and relationship skills. You can also show your openness, humility, and willingness to learn.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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What are some common mistakes to avoid when dealing with a challenging client or stakeholder?

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1 Not listening actively

2 Being defensive or aggressive

3 Avoiding the issue

4 Not following up

5 Not learning from the experience

6 Not seeking feedback

7 Here’s what else to consider

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